What I mean when I say you saved my life

When everything was lost, I watched.
I watched through my haze of inability and crippled self – the smile of a friend. The crinkle in the corners of his eyes as his brain processed in amazement the beauty of the sun going down over the valley. His face breaking into a smile.
I watched another friend stand up and move herself in perfect rhythm to a childhood song. As she offered kindly to teach me so I could join her.
I watched one more as she furrowed her brows in concentration to make the perfect jenga move – hand shaking as she pushed a piece out of the tower. Low. Much too low. Breath held in anticipation of a fall but hoping that it wouldn’t. Despite the odds. I watched, watched and listened to the roars of laughter from friends when it did collapse finally and I watched as the risk taker smiled coyly accepting but happy she tried.
I listened as a friend vowed to get off cheap dopamine and sent me songs he wrote himself. I watched as he created beauty and art in rebellion against everything that is wrong in this world.
When all was lost, I closed my eyes and listened to my best friend sing. I listened to him sing in different languages and to his commentary as we moved from one small town to another on a road trip. I listened to him gasp at the sight of the ocean like it was the first time ever. I watched him run on the shores as if racing the waves.
And I watched a friend love. I watched her love her child beyond measure and keep calm while a piece of her heart walked around the planet.

When it felt like the end, like I was drowning, I watched through my despair.
Barely afloat and hardly breathing I watched.
I watched as they chose me, giving me little parts of themselves.
I watched them love me. On days I couldn’t myself.
For days and months and years at end.
I watched them not realizing the enormity of what they did, as they made me live one day after another, each in their own way.

I watched and it looked like hope.